So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
