Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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