you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i want to swaddle you in tequila
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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