His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
