Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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