Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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