so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
