I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
