Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Less talking, more tequila
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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