Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
