shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
