FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
