I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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