Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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