Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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