oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
