I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
