How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
