My underwear smells like fireworks.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
