remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
