Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
