Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
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