I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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