I'm eating all of the evidence.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
