I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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