I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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