threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
