I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
