so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
