My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
