As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
