I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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