she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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