when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
