My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Found your dick twin last night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
