Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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