my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
