worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
