I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
