I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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