well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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