Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
