Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
