Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
