i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I want her autograph on my taint
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
