So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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