Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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