Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
