You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
