1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
