So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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