not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
