So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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