You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
